Totally Real Things That Complete Strangers Have Said To Me

Yesterday I was at a friends and the subject of guys and dating came up as it always seems to.  If you are happily married for the last 10 or more years (as many of my friends are) you honestly have no idea how absolutely ridiculous the dating scene is.  I'm not sure if it's the anonymity of a text message (although equally as ridiculous things have been said to me in person) but man oh man, chivalry and tact have been lost along the way.

I want to warn you, that if you haven't dated in many years, haven't texted with complete strangers and are sensitive, you may want to stop reading RIGHT NOW.  If you could use some entertainment, here are some of the things complete strangers have said to me.  I wanted to use screen shots for the bulk of them, but being the nice girl that I am, I will write them in no particular order and with some asterisks to save your innocent eyes.  The struggle is real ;)


1.  I see you are a blonde, are you a natural blond? Does the carpet match the curtains?

2. Is eight inches enough for you baby? 

3. Oh, you are not responding now? If I sent you a photo of me naked, you would be sorry for that.

4. Can I ask you a very serious question, do you squirt?  (This one was said in person- and he probably wonders why he is single?) 

5. You look like you have big boobs, are they?

6. I know you aren't looking for a woman, but I wanted to send you a message in case you change your mind

7. I bet you have a wet pu**y

8. (while eating a hot dog)  I see you like eating hot dogs? (In person, he was not referring to a hot dog) 

9.  Well, I'm not divorced, currently still living with my wife, but in the basement.  She doesn't know yet but as soon as I am ready to move on, I will see a lawyer.  

10.  I hope this isn't too forward, but you look like you have nice lips, I know where they can go

11.  Before we meet, I just want to be upfront and say that I love oral s*x and I could never proceed in a relationship without it.

12.  Ok, I'm actually 24, but milf porn is my favorite (I'm not sure what offended me more- probably that I'm old lol)

13.  Can I buy you a drink, a promise I won't drug it (In person, omg)

14.  I'm only here in Winnipeg for one more night- you would never have to see me again (in person)