Being An Introvert In A Society That Revolves Around Extroverts

"You are not introverted" a friend said to me recently

It is the height of fall, busy season in my line of work.  The leaves are beautiful and everyone wants some nice photos to capture it.  This is the time when I meet most new clients- many that I will see after this for years and years (and some that I wont) :)   But these are NEW clients.  I don't know them- they don't know me.  To this point, the bulk of our communication has been a couple emails, maybe a Facebook message or two.

But I don't know these people.

And so I drive to the location with a pit in my stomach, butterflies.  Actually, for a couple hours prior this has weighed on my mind without realizing it.  I've probably had a short temper with the kids, probably checked the camera gear and made sure it is ready to go (something that rarely happens with long time clients- I usually fly by the seat of my pants) 

I've thought about this.  Why is it so different?  I will shoot their session, like I will shoot many more this week, this probably isn't even the first shoot of the day.  It boils down to that when I arrive I will have to get out of the car with the utmost confidence- I will have to exuberant and smiley and pretend that all is perfect. I will have to be chatty and smart and most of all I will have to put on the 'extrovert show'.    Shouldn't be hard, it's my job, I've done this a million times with groups 10 times larger than this beautifully dressed family with gorgeous kids.  But it's hard - so so hard. How can 4 perfectly nice people make me feel this way.  It's comical.

When I know someone though, a group or a family there are no butterflies, there are no reservations- funnier yet, I act the exact same way (only my brain isn't thinking about it) I am still me- just not terrified to be me. 

I am an introvert who can do an incredibly good job pretending to be an extrovert.

Now don't get me wrong.  I am many of the things I pretend to be on a regular basis.  I feel I am confident, I think I am smart, I do have opinions to offer (if you know me, you certainly know I ALWAYS have an opinion to offer,lol)  But even at my age, with my experience, I lack the ability to show it.

One on one, or even in a group setting with people I know well, I can do great and most of all I FEEL GREAT.  But for all my life, all my memories, I can VERY easily get lost among a crowd of extroverts.  Maybe it's the feeling of what I have to say is unworthy, uninteresting (I mean really the life and times of Walmart and school pickups isn't exactly a hot topic) but at the same time you would have no idea how much I envy and enjoy listening to people just talk about their regular day- like it's just nothing to just small talk.  Don't I wish I had that ability.  But it's very easy to get lost in a sea of conversations when you don't feel you have anything to offer to it.  I avoid conversations with groups of strangers, groups of school moms, tables at weddings not because I want to- but because I'm terrified to be a pest.  It probably looks snobby.  I've been realizing lately how many times I look down at my feet after making eye contact with someone and exchanging a smile. I've realized how many invitations I turn away because it's with larger groups of people.

I have friends who do so well socially!  It is amazing to watch them communicate.  I am so envious of their interactions with complete strangers.  These are the people that have the ability to fit in anywhere.  They can make the small talk, until it isn't small talk anymore.  And I watch them, I watch how others respond to them- and wow, it works.  We live in a society that given the right luck and timing opens up to an extrovert.  They know what they want and they have the social skills to get there!

When you are an introvert there are certainly some things you do better than extroverts- and I know this because as an introvert you become an avid people watcher (without even realizing you are doing it)   I think sometimes I see things that others wouldn't- I watch body language and hear and remember conversations.  I can tell almost immediately if someone is uneasy, angry, shy, withdrawn.  You kinda get this sixth sense of an overall feeling someone has- and that's not a bad thing.  But I am still terrified of people I don't know well.  Meeting friends, friends... going out in larger groups... having people I know 'one on one'  meet other people I know 'one on one'  And I'm not sure if it's because I'm shy or because I fear that I will revert to that introvert who has nothing to offer. It is so strange!

But perhaps because I have this ability to see emotions and body language is why I do so well trying to make people comfortable.  How many times have I received emails after a session that have said "Wow, you made that so easy"  or "I gotta tell you, little Timmy really liked you"   I think honestly it's because I can empathize with everything they are feeling and I try to think of what would make me more comfortable.   And it's not just at work that I go beyond.  When I see others conversations muffled in a group setting I always try to make a point to ask them to continue telling me what they were wanting to offer.

So that's just me, doubtful at my age it's going to change- but I sure am going to try.  And for all those times when it's incredibly hard to open up and put on the 'extrovert show' well, there's always wine ;)